i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
