I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
