Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
