these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
