Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
