the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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