You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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