I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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