New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
