It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
