Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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