Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
