her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
