Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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