he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
