The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
do nipples grow back?
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