So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
