tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
