Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
