doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize