I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
