Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
sarcasm needs its own font
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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