their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
