this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
