my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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