I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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