it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
