Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
