My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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