Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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