when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
