Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
