people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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