party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
