I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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