just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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