omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
