If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She told me I should be a condom model.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
