Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
