it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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