god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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