I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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