I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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