when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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