the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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