Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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