I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
