I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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