dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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