I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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