my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
