Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
