where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I looked at my own cervix.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
