I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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