I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
