Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
