You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you win again, gameday.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Terrible idea I love it
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
