First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
