He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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