This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
