Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
