Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
