There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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