I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
