well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Alive.
So much puke
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
