i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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