god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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