I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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