well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize