It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
