Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
