Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
