Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think my moral compass just broke
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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