I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
And then he peed in my hair
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