Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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