its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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